Is There a Reason???

Drama is best kept on the stage and in the theatre system. At worst, kept alive by television shows, movies, and books. Drama is not best-served in person. It is truly best-served in small doses, as you watch on for other people to deal with. I have determined (although I admit, through a rather small sampling of the human population) that those who start drama and manage to persist in constant drama are they themselves unhappy with their own fortunes and/or lots in life.

My child's other biological parent is one of those such people. Through arrogance, sarcasm, and a very poorly developed sense of right or wrong, there is a constant stream of degradation and defiance coming from their home. I feel at a loss so many times to competently deal with the drama that is attacking me on a near constant basis.

Readers, in whatever you do, to whomever it's done to, please be respectful that you are in constant dealings with other human beings. These human beings are dealing with their own set of challenges, whether they be social, academic, or spiritual. NO HUMAN DESERVES MALTREATMENT. I don't care how much of an idiot they seem to be, each one has their own mission in life, no matter how trivial or substantial. I can't say it any clearer that I hate drama for the sake of drama. I also cannot stand to see words or actions used to abuse another human being!

Ok, rant over....Thank you for reading that one....I promise I'll post a quilting post next.

If Only...

If only humans had tails like dogs.....then we'd all know the level of each other's interest, dislike, or mental state. Granted, that would mean that quilting wouldn't exactly be an option...

Alright, for what I mentioned on FB. I've had several major upsets in the past month.

I have been a regular guest within a group of supposedly like-minded individuals. I say guest, because as of earlier this month, I STILL don't quite feel like I belong. One group "member" advertised that they had tickets for a specific event, to which I and others wanted to go. Since these tickets had been given to the group, I assumed that I could have one. I really hate having to beg to get anything. Nevertheless, I felt like I had to state I-ABSOLUTELY-WILL-BE-GOING-AND-CANNOT-AFFORD-TO-WITHOUT-THESE-TICKETS to get one. Then the very group member who so "graciously" allowed me to have a ticket posted a group request asking when people would be at the ticketed event (being held over a few days) and when. While others answered (myself included), the original poster didn't. I ran into said person at the event along with someone else who'd not been at the get-together, or posted when they would be attending. Neither person said, "hello" to me. I get tired of the drama. This hasn't been the first case of secret groups-within-the-group involving this person and this larger group, but it's my last one to witness.

Second blow, different group..
I've been attending a semi-local quilt guild's meetings, and offered my help during the quilt show they were hosting. I helped wherever I was needed until it became time to help hang up the quilts. Since my help wasn't needed in other areas, I started taking charge to get the quilts hung. I decided what groups of quilts should go to what building (of two), and took charge to get them hung in Building 1. I even got on the ladder and after having hung about 3 quilts, I made a wrong move and fell off of my ladder. I fell directly on my left hip, bruising it pretty severely. I STILL got back up on that ladder (because the people willing to be up on the ladder didn't need to be on it, either. I helped hang/arrange over 85 quilts that evening. I slept the night there, and woke up the next day extremely stiff and hurting. I stayed throughout the day, anyway, and directed the hanging of over 65 quilts in Building 2. I left afterwards, and headed home. I was BACK out there (did I mention it's around an hour drive?) by 8:30 the next morning. I got put at a table with the Hatfields. I guess I should explain. Within this guild there are two warring factions, specifically jointed around two ladies in particular. The McCoy's: their warring lady is on the board. The Hatfields, their lady hasn't been a major player in the guild in the last 3-4 years or so. I get along with both "families" and get asked by the McCoys to do one set of tasks, and the Hatfields leave me alone. So, back on topic, I'm at a table with someone considered to be a Hatfield, and inside the building are a couple more Hatfields. The McCoys give me instructions on topics they do not wish talked about with the Hatfields. So I'm supposed to my job in the freezing cold wind on a mountain in the shade, manning a table with a lady that I'm not supposed to talk on certain topics with.

So, I sleep the night at the site AGAIN with the two who've been there, camped out. I can't talk about my day, because it was miserable (who wants to hear about freezing your hands/toes off?), or anything I talked about (why would I repeat nonsense chit-chat about my family or upcoming projects, again). I also can't really describe the chatter and whispers I've heard from the Hatfields, as that's not fair to divulge one group's secrets and slights to the other when I can't reciprocate (and I don't like talking about it). So I talk about the one thing that I can...next year's quilt show. The ideas I've spent all day working in my head (since I'm not supposed to talk quilt show with the Hatfields) get shut down at every turn. I can't bring up one topic of next year's show without getting told that "it's already been worked out" or "we're waiting for this before we'll even talk about it." I don't have anything left to talk about, and I don't have any energy to keep going for any other topics, so I just stop talking. I get to listen to one McCoy call her friends to exclaim her excitement about a rumor of a Hatfield leaving the group (rumor wasn't from me). I then get to listen to the both of the two campers being catty about others from the group. I also got to listen to my work (having decided what quilts go in what buildings) being criticized, as well as the number of ladies who showed up to work became a problem. I have never heard someone complain before about having too much help. There is a difference between having enough help, and knowing how to direct said help. I've run stores, and often not with my choice on work staff. I learned how to direct and demand attention, and I employed that during hanging quilts. It was quite disparaging to get told that "this was the most trouble I've ever had getting quilts hung" from someone who wasn't even in the building during quilt hanging for most of the time. I had some family stuff going on also, so I left first thing the following morning after making my apologies for leaving abruptly.

Now, I didn't post this to air dirty laundry. That's not my style, nor my intent. No one needs that kind of drama (thus the Hatfields and McCoys; no locations given; no names; no group names; etc.).

It is physically and emotionally taxing when people decide that through whatever reason, they have the power, right, or entitlement to talk about others in a negative light, keep things from the group to play keep-away from certain people, or criticize others because they feel they are inadequate in their own duties. I don't do drama. I don't post every day, or even every week simply because my only comments would come off as drama, or unnecessary chatter. I have made my final decision, come what may. To those who are affected unnecessarily by this, I apologize now. I am leaving/staying out of the groups/guilds where these dramas occurred. I will not return unless I sense a genuine change of heart in either of the main proponents of the drama in each group. I have no time or energy to devote to someone else's ego-trip, high-school-popular-kid's group routine, or micro-management. I already have a job that I'm really good at, and none of this is ever involved in it. I don't need it in the hobby world.

I NEED!!!????@@@????!!!!

The local group of bloggers that I've joined in (even for my relatively unknown blog) has posted a challenge, and I figured I'd try to answer the questions, mixed in with my sewing and quilting time.

What do I need? (Hence the multiple expression marks in the post's title...and throughout the post)

Of course, then I ask myself, 

"Self, what about sewing and quilting time?"

"The time I'm supposed to be using for sewing and quilting! Yes, I need more!!!"

"When do I get that time back, Self?"

"When you are sleeping and wish to not be, and succeed!"

Now, pretend that I didn't just tell myself to start quilting and sewing instead of sleeping.....yep....I said pretend. Whilst my desk may be cluttered and unconventionally accumulating "stuff" right now, the rest of my sewing studio/office isn't that bad right now. I promise! I didn't say it is spectacularly clean. I said NOT THAT BAD.....

So, right now, I need TIME to work on sewing/quilting projects and get them completed....

....and yes, please pretend also that I didn't just talk to myself through my blog where everyone can see it....

.....to be continued...

Rough Days, Beautiful Quilts

I have learned throughout the years that no matter what I feel about other people (anger, love, sadness, etc.), I never have those emotions towards the fabric or quilts I'm working on or done with. While they each have memories, quilts will never hold a harsh word. Thinking about the snowball quilt I gave my folks for Christmas, I am reminded that my mom called me multiple times the next several days that my quilt had brought her to tears over and over again.

My mom has memories as a child of sleeping and cuddling beneath the quilts her grandma made. In a one-room house, everyone curled up under the quilts and snuggled in for warmth. Those hand-made, and hand-quilted quilts had a softness and thickness that bring in feelings of comfort for her. For the quilt I'd promised to make, the only request that was made was that the quilting be spaced out. After purchasing and receiving several store-bought quilts over the years, my mom realized that they were just too stiff and the close quilting flattened the quilt and didn't "feel right" to her. 

I now keep that softness and feel in mind when I'm working on a quilt. It means that my quilting has to be spaced effectively to give my quilts that warmth that someone's going to want and need. 

I figured I'd also share a few pictures of the quilt I'll be listing in my Etsy shop in a few minutes. I kept the thoughts regarding "comfy" and "cozy" in mind with this one. The tan fabric is a solid that I've stitched rows of decorative stitches on with different threads. I then cut each tan square to make 4 triangles. I also made sure when I laid out the pieces to assemble this quilt that no "bow-tie" was created from the same tan square. 

I echo quilted around to make the bow-ties show through the pieced back. And yes, the strip of orange and blue through the center of the back is a bit "not straight". That was intentional. I wanted the comfy, home-pieced look that ensures you know that this quilt was made just for you!

Emotional Quilting

Do you quilt when you're emotional? I do. I also quilt when I'm not emotional. But that doesn't make me any less involved in my quilting.

After having a very heated and argumentative discussion (you'll learn I'm not one to get into arguments often), I've found that touching the fabrics I'm working with and refocusing my attention on the task at hand works really well to calm my nerves, melt the stress, and give me an overall sense of achievement. Since I rarely win arguments with humans (arguing with the dogs? I only occasionally give ground), I've learned that arguments with my fabrics work so much better. 

"No, not you yet." 
"Ahhh, THERE you are!"
"Come on, lay flat!"
"Sweet heavens, you look fabulous!"

Is it that the fabric doesn't argue back? I don't know. But aside from catching tears that have fallen, my quilts pick up the random dog hairs that collects under my chair. They also pick up the bits of sand occasionally that the dogs have brought in from the yard (discussion for another day entirely). They also pick up memories. I can remember the arguments that have no meaning now except as a reminder of pain by a simple picture of a completed quilt made during that argument. 

My quilts also pick up names and lives of their own. After making a painstakingly-tough backing for "Girl Swirl", I tackled the applique and backing for the 'flannel monstrosity' that I have yet to properly name. There's the "Beach-Tones Stitch Quilt" and the "Garden Flowers" quilts that bring back memories of sitting working through the decorative touches, the quilting, and the events in my life during those quilts. Some time this year, I want to start pulling all the pictures of my quilts up to my website, and then start pulling some of them over here to the blog. I want to review what each meant to me then, and what each means to me now. 

There's emotion between the layers and in each locking stitch, whipstitch, sashing cut, or curved seam. I quilt when I'm emotional, but my quilting is also emotional.